Living with Jonny

Im writing because I need somewhere to talk about being abused by my bf. or whatever he is...  he's the type of guy I wanted to be with when I was younger except not the person on the inside that I was looking for.   I've made a fursuit for him but he hasn't even tried once to fuck me in it. took him to burning man and we never had sex  there even once.  spent months trying to gain his trust so we could have a three way, even asked for a open thing because he didn't wanna engage with me in a three way setting.... I wanted to be loyal to him which is why I asked for a open thing.

he's housed me for a couple years but he's just been so mean to me.  I feel dimminished inside. I blame him for wasting my life , all these years waiting for him and wanting a friend to do things with.  he never tried to engage with me on any of the things I wanted... when I'd make a huge deal about it and almost force him or myself into the situation he would end up liking the experience. 

Im so tired of having to force him into a situation... I want a leader that I can go into a situation into.
I feel so alone, Im sad and just feel like my life is a waste, that I can become nothing with him in the picture.


I wanted him so badly to wanna have a life with me.  I've put off my life for years.

I don't do well in a relationship... I just wanna have a fwb situation, a life partner that wants to have kinky sex and explore the world with me.

I don't know how to leave this situation.
I wanna go so badly


where can I go?  it's right in the middle of a corona outbreak of 2020..

I don't have a job or a future right now , I don't know how to proceed in all this chaos.

I wish the aliens would just come help me. help me find a way to get out of this.
I am so stupid

well here i am, living in my own home. well apartment.

in hollywood.
as a massage therapist.

man i've come a long way.

im even designing fursuits.

its crazy.

makes me wanna push myself even further thinking of where I was when I first started writing on here.
so many phases of life come and gone. who knows what I'll be next time i sign in lol.

the world is crazy....  police brutality up.. crazy politics.. verge of war.... its all nuts...


i've got a boyfriend named Jonny... he's really good to me.

figuring myself out... its difficult..


hard to pay bills..

squandered thousands of dollars...   have to put my life into something effective...

but.. i've come a long way. I miss being able to just talk on here. i felt good about What I was putting out there... even if it was just for me.
Talk about the internet too! geeze, it's come so far.     i should make more videos and blog again...



its a huge thing and people have such a voice now.